Integrity - "Feel The Difference"

Integrity

Last school year my eldest daughter had her first encounter with practical integrity.  The kind where one bad decision paves the way for a lifetime of dishonesty.  I tucked her in that night (yes – I still do whenever she lets meJ) and she was unusually quiet.  This girl is many things and ‘quiet’ has never been one of them.  I asked her what was wrong.  “Nothing.” She replies.   I wait.  Usually waiting and saying nothing gets her talking… again.  “Well, something.”  I’m still quiet, anticipating a delicious morsel of information.  “I took a Social Studies test a few weeks ago and accidentally looked at someone else’s paper.  Then I changed an answer.  When I got my test back it was a 100%.  I feel bad.”  I stay silent.  There must be more.  There is always more.  “So then I got another test back from him the other day and it was a much lower grade and I didn’t see someone else’s paper.  So I thought I was even.”  Huh?  Teenage logic is hard to follow.

When I think she is finished, I tell her what she already knows.  “Honey, you still feel bad because whether you meant to or not, you cheated.” She sighs.  “What should I do?” Again she knows the answer but needs to hear it out loud.  “You need to talk to your Social Studies teacher.” The words terrify and relieve her. Before she protests, I remind her that it has been several weeks and she still feels bad about this.  I also tell her how proud I am that she feels bad.  She doesn’t understand.  I explain, “The older you get, the easier it gets to lie, steal, cheat and completely destroy your conscience.  You start rationalizing things you do professionally and personally.  It is always wrong, but we try to come up with ways to make a lack of integrity ok.  It is never ok.  And I am so grateful that you feel the difference.” She is confused, “Feel the difference?” I start to laugh.  “It’s that little flutter in your tummy and your heart when you know you have done something wrong.  Ignoring it is when you get into trouble.”

Over her seventh grade school year, this child had many more opportunities to be dishonest.  Classmates grading papers often “missed” incorrect answers in Math and my girl would trudge up to the teacher’s desk, swallow her pride and “ask” for a lower grade.  My heart soared with Mama Bear pride and I was a little jealous.

When we are young, black and white is easy to recognize and feel.  Something is wrong or it isn’t.  As we get older, it becomes so much easier and comfortable to sink into murky shades of gray in our everyday decisions.  We ignore the ‘flutter’ and try to survive in a world that often seems to reward a lack of integrity.  Today, I want to you to feel the difference.  Return that extra change to the cashier.  Pay the extra money for your 12 year old to get an adult ticket at the movies (you know what I’m talking about, parents! J).  Play by the rules.  Remember what it is like not to just feel integrity, but ACT on it!